* My 29th Birthday! *
"We Turn Not Older With Years, But Newer Every Day."
– Emily Dickinson
I celebrated My Birthday during The Last Week of April! I'm usually the type of Person who makes a Big Deal out of Birthdays (for others as well as for myself). However...I wanted to enter The Last Year Of My Twenties quietly. 28 wasn't My Favorite Year...For a Variety of Reasons. One of them was being Diagnosed with Anxiety and Depression along with experiencing 3 Losses which meant a lot of Grief as well. After My Diagnosis I realized I have been struggling with both Anxiety and Depression MY ENTIRE LIFE. It just finally affected me so much to the point where it was affecting my ability to function in My Daily Life. I'm normally a VERY OUTGOING Extrovert. Let's just say I got to a point where if I wasn't Working...I was Sleeping. Which is NOT like me whatsoever. That was when I realized something was really wrong and I needed to get help. I went to The Doctor, I began taking Medicine, I started Counseling again, and I was also open about My Struggles with My Friends and My Family.
A lot of people in My Life never knew I have struggled to like myself as a person. Over the years as I've gotten older I have realized how insecure I have been throughout My Life. I never felt like I was good at anything...Well anything other than School. I've always done well at being a Student. Fear has held me back a lot in Life. But I'm tired of it. And as hard as last year was for me in the midst of Anxiety, Depression, and Grief...It did push me to FINALLY pursue Photography. I'm still nervous. A lot. & I worry about not being "good enough." I was afraid people would think I was someone else who was "just trying to be another Photographer." Plus it is also SUPER VULNERABLE to share My Photos. But Life is VERY SHORT. Was I going to keep talking about what I wanted to do...Or actually do it?! I got to the point where I decided I have Art that is worth sharing. I may not be everyone's cup of tea...But someone out there may appreciate what I have to share. Even if it's just ONE Person...Then it would be worth it. It's a challenge to put myself out there like this and share something so personal to me.
I have always been very protective about My Photos. But I also don't want to keep them to myself any longer and need to have a creative outlet. I will admit that I have A LOT to learn. And I'm trying to accept that it will take Trial & Error to feel like I have any sort of clue as to what I'm doing. But I am so appreciative of those who have been here to support me and encourage me along the way as I follow My Dream. It means so much to me. It's truly an honor to have people ask about My Availability. Knowing people want me to take their Photos is one of The Best Feelings EVER! It's only beginning...But I don't think it will get old anytime soon.
I have had this Camera for One Year now...And it was truly what I needed exactly when I needed it. It happened at a time where I felt very alone. I am extremely independent & I struggle to ask for help. I have grown, been humbled beyond belief, and was stretched in ways that I never imagined were possible. Even to the point where I thought I would break. But I didn't. I'm still here. I'm not going to lie though...I still get overwhelmed at times. But I'm still pushing through one day at a time. I still have some Low Days here & there. But overall I do feel stronger as well as more confident in myself as each day passes. It was like once I decided to learn Photography...A Person (A Creative Artist) I've been ALL ALONG who was buried DEEP INSIDE was FINALLY able to express herself after all this time! & She is not going to apologize for being who she is either.
I have been very hopeful for 29. I received so many Birthday Wishes from Friends and Family during The Weekend of My Birthday back in Early May. I was so grateful for every single one of them. I know Life is busy...But sometimes we truly do underestimate the impact we can have in Peoples' Lives. Positive or Negative. In regards to My Anxiety & Depression...I've never wanted to harm myself in any way, shape, or form. The worst it has ever gotten for me personally so far is sometimes I just want to hide and / or disappear for a little while. However I know that isn't always the case for some. I share this so that people know they aren't alone in not feeling okay all the time.
One of The Biggest Lessons I have learned in Life so far and especially from My Travels is that no matter where someone lives, what Language is Spoken / Signed, what Job someone has, how much Education a person has received, what Skin Color someone has, etc. The List could go on. At the end of the day...WE ARE ALL HUMAN. We may have Differences...But I guarantee you we all have more Similarities than not. We all have Hopes, Fears, Struggles, and Dreams. People just want to Love and to Be Loved. We all want to know we matter to someone, are thought of by someone, and cared for by someone. Everyone just wants to be accepted for who they are. Quirks and all. It all sounds so simple and should be easy right? But sometimes it honestly seems like it's the hardest thing for people to do. I'm not sure where you are today Mentally, Emotionally, Physically, Spiritually, etc. But I hope you are able to find a balance as well as learn how to take care of yourself, be there for others, and allow others to be there for you. Truth be told...I'm still working on doing it for myself!
